As a parent we learn the lesson (hopefully) that there isn’t such a thing really as “quality time”. The magical things, the true teaching moments, just happen when they happen. That doesn’t mean we are constantly laboring to entertain, appease, and interact with our children, that has it’s own special path to ruin. The key thing is we are there, in the same space, and a resource and as a guide when it is called for.
Dogs are not in any way kids, in fact it steals their birthright and uniqueness to think of them as humans, but this rule holds true for them too.
The greatest limitation you have to changing your dog is spending insufficient time in the same space. I think the second limitation is if you do spend that time but constantly try to entertain, appease, and interact with the dog. These two populations struggle mightily with their dogs.
I typically won’t accept you as a client if you keep your dog outside 24/7, unless the mutual goal is to bring the dog in the house to live after training. I love doing that. We just don’t as a society spend that much time outside any more sadly, and you won’t have enough relationship with the dog to do much with it.
I’m not the first trainer to mention the special bond we see with homeless people and their dogs, or to note that some countries/locations just have better behaved dogs generally than others. In my mind the common thread is the dog is in the presence of the owner a vast amount of the time.
When you live like this the dog can’t be “managed”, put in a yard or a pen or a crate when it is off track, it has to be dealt with. Problems have to be worked through.
It’s true that we must know how the dog works, what is important to the dog, how to say “yes” and “no” to the dog in a way that makes sense to it – but these communication tools will fail if we don’t have the relationship, and relationship blossoms best when given time in the same space.
Watch your dogs in a social setting with other dogs they know well and spend time with. Direct interaction is often minimal, but proximity is preserved. They will loosely move and group together. Predictability in each others behavior patterns is observed by the dogs and thus trust grows.
The other extreme is the helicopter owner that feels the dog needs constant interaction, and appeasement, and entertainment. This does not create an environment where the dog is going to see you in a favorable light. Your dog should be able to just “be”, to self satisfy, to entertain itself while near you when needed.
So… learn all you can about how dogs work, the communication techniques that work for you and your dogs – but remember without lots of time in the same space they may well be of little help. Go walk around your yard with your dogs many times a day, or for a large single block of time, and start to see the shift in relationship. Best done off leash but if that’s not safe the leash is ok.
Put in the time, it’s the main way we tell someone they are important to us.
